When people look at yo mama's wedding photos, they remark that she looks "haggard."

Yo mama's so ugly, when she drops something in public, heterosexual men assist her only out of altruism, or in the hope that another, more attractive woman is watching.

Yo mama uses fake static noises to end face-to-face conversations.

If nervous tics were pizzas, yo mama would have five pizzas that freak everybody out.

Yo mama's picture is on the front cover of the controversial new bestseller The Boring Gene.

Yo mama was the subject of the TV movie Fat Insane Whore.

Yo mama's so mentally disturbed, if depression were pastrami, anxiety mustard, and obsessive-compulsive disorder lettuce, she could eat her mental problems as a pretty good sandwich. Only one problem, though: no bread.

Yo mama's so lupine, she chases rabbits.

Yo mama's so lupine, she barks, moans, whines, woofs, yelps, whimpers, growls, and snarls, but what really excites naturalists and laypersons alike is her howl.

Yo mama's so lupine, if she were killed, I would say that chances are she was killed by a wolf from a nearby hostile pack.

Yo mama's so lupine, she went to Alberta and was trapped for her pelt; but she gnawed her leg off and got away. Now she looks back at the experience with a hearty smile. Or is that a grimace? Whatever, she probably can't even tell what we're talking about.

Yo mama's mix tapes are just a bunch of recent U2 songs on one side and a "Weird Al" Yankovic album copied on the other.

Yo mama's CD rack is 90 percent those chocolate CDs her sister's company makes.

Yo mama eats, breathes, and sleeps With Every Man She Can Lay Her Hands On. (With Every Man She Can Lay Her Hands On is an unpublished romantic thrill-ride by yo mama's friend Fleatrice.)

Yo mama is very lupine, and although she is often mistaken for a Mexican gray wolf, or Canis lupus baileyi, I know that she is actually a red wolf, or Canis rufus, because she is smaller than the gray wolf (her head is narrower, also) and because one time I saw her interbreeding with a coyote.

The only reason yo mama doesn't grow a beard is because her facial hair comes in patchy.

Yo mama's wedding dress was "one-size-fits-disgusting-whalewoman."

Yo mama's so industrious, she gives at least 110 percent every time, and sometimes gives infinity percent.

Yo mama is like blue cheese dressing: I hate her.